Dear Tommy Lee Bass (or T-Lee, T-Bone,T-Man),
So, I hear you've quit Motley Crue again. Is it that time of year again, Tommy? Did things get a little rough in your 15 bedroom Los Angeles mansion and state-of-the-art home recording studio, Tommy?
Do I need to remind you again, dear Tommy, that it is fans like me - millions of us strong - that helped you get the mansion, helped you snort a gazillion dollars worth of cocaine, helped you and the rest of Motley buy a private jet, helped you stay in the finest hotels, helped you see the world beyond your wildest imagination?
What am I getting out of this love/hate relationship, dear Tommy? Not much. Granted, the Crue has a pretty darn good back catalog of work and I'll be forever grateful for Shout at the Devil. I mean, it doesn't get much better than that, does it?
A few days ago, you said you were "over" rock music. Nikki Sixx recently said to the press that you listen to rap music hours a day. It's good that you've got widespread music interests, but let's get real.
I did public relations for a professional orchestra, Tommy, and that sure as hell didn't make me Yo-Yo Ma. To this day, I can appreciate the depth a string arrangement gives a heavy metal song but that doesn't mean I'm going to try and wrangle my way backstage at an Itzhak Perlman concert to score an interview.
You can rap all you want Tommy, but you ain't never gonna be Ice T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice...or even Kid Rock.
Yeah, I said it.
After the brouhaha at the Video Music Awards, I was on your side. After all, I always thought Kid Rock sucked, but now I realize you suck too.
Maybe "Pebble" should have knocked you upside your head a little harder. Pam Anderson could have soothed your nerves again, you could have gone home and checked the mailbox for another giant Motley royalty check and bought another Porsche.
I just listened to New Tattoo again. You know what? The late Randy Castillo did a pretty damn good job keeping up with the rest of the Crue. No, that album isn't Dr. Feelgood but then not many are. When it all comes down to it, we're all just a big ball of cells - cosmic matter. It's what we do in life and how we treat others that makes us matter. See the distinction?
When I first heard that you'd quit the Crue again, I thought "well, that's that." Now, I'm not so sure. Motley Crue isn't one person, and the rest of the boys can go on, record and tour without you. I hope they do. I hope you see their success and feel like a jackass, because that's what you are.
Tommy, I know you don't give two shits about my opinion - or anyone's opinion for that matter - but you better realize that everything I'm saying here is true. You look like a joke swaying your arm to the beat, wearing your cap sideways. You're not hood, you've never been hood...and you ain't never going to be hood. If you want to turn your back on your one true talent, and please believe that talent is drumming, then so be it. It's your life after all. Just don't bitch when things fall apart.
Remember, Tommy, love and hate's the same to the Black Widow -- and you, my friend, are about as white as they come. Holla!
I am waiting for my refund. I demand my $50 back from one of your crappy techno shows with DJ Aero. I didn't know you could get the same kick out of performing in front of 100 people versus 40,000 in a sold out stadium, but what the hell do I know?
I hope Nikki Sixx, Mick Mars and Vince Neil never let you back in Motley Crue. It would serve you right.
Love and kisses,
The glam mistress.
**Suggested reading: An Open Letter to Tommy Lee (May 25, 2007)