The Dirt On 'The Dirt' Is Not... Well, SIXX Is Trying
Today's post is from our friend HIM.
History is filled with holy grails, valiant searches for a brass ring, and tilts at imagined windmills. Add to that list this never-ending (though often dormant) quest to get a movie version of The Dirt made.
Recently, Nikki Sixx (the alive undead founder of the best band ever, SIXX:AM), had this titillating update on his Eldorado:
Does anyone really want this film to be made at this point? The Blabbermouth article reads like a tattered provocation that someone once found exciting. And, yet, there are still some fanboys who find this idea intriguing. Why? What possible good will come out of a movie based on this book? Who, exactly, would be the target market? Crue fans. Okay, you just filled several small venues in several different places for one weekend. And IMAX would have a field day with Neil or with Sixx’s ego.
But the laughs (wait, are you crying?) don’t stop there. Is this possibly the metal version of Straight Outta Compton? Of course it isn’t. Is it the stage-setting debut of unknown actors bringing to life a band that huffed and puffed to an end, while still “going out on top”? Of course it isn’t. You are facing a movie of Cameron-esque proportions. I don’t mean James. I mean Kirk.
This is an Alan Smithee film in the making. It is a project that, true to the source material, is getting passed around like so many groupies. There was no time when this book would have made a good film. Even a Jackass can see that (see what I did there?). But Sixx wants to float this boat in the imaginary lake of his grandeur, swimming against the tides of commonsense and logic. Why? Because it keeps him in the spotlight and allows him to, Bach to the Future-style (see what I did there?), remind people of a time when his band mattered. Do you really think Mars cares about this? Or Lee? Or even Neil at this point? Answer: no. Why? Because they—all of them—probably have a firmer grasp on the nature of reality, no less the machinations of Hollywood, than Sixx does. And when I say that with “Neil” in a sentence, I am being pretty serious.
For fans of the Crue who long for an unrealistic version of the band they love(d), I would suggest watching the DVD of The End tour. Good camera angles. Piped in vocals. Nostalgia. It’s all there. And you can watch it at home. Hell, just go to YouTube. Spoiler alert: Lee gets stuck (which is, in a sense, 'on top')!