A Perfect Circle

I have big news to share with you, dear readers.

First, let me say Happy St. Patrick's Day to my fellow glam fans of Irish heritage. Drink some green beer and eat cabbage!

Now, the big news...drum roll please...

I am now the proud owner of a  platinum disc celebrating sales of Shout at the Devil. Motley Crue's greatest work was certified gold on January 12, 1984. It went platinum the first time on February 7, 1984. Since that time, Shout at the Devil  has sold several million more copies.

How did I come to own such an important relic of glam goodness? Ebay, of course. I wasn't looking for a platinum record when I was surfing Ebay late last night. Instead, I was hoping to find a cute Motley Crue babydoll shirt to wear when the weather gets a little warmer here in Ohio.

That's when it happened. I stumbled upon an Ebay store, chocked full of gold and platinum record awards from various artists.

If you've ever eaten at the Hard Rock Cafe or visited the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in Cleveland,  you know that a platinum award has an "identifier" of sorts explaining why the person is bestowed such an honor. All the pieces for sale in this particular Ebay store are from a record shop.

Knowing only fools rush in, I used the 30 minutes remaining on the auction to research record awards and how to spot a hoax. After all, I didn't want to drop serious cash on a fake award. That would be more than devastating.

The official site for the Recording Industry of America, www.riaa.com, has an excellent page outlining criteria for collecting record awards.

I also stumbled across Julien's Auction House at www.juliensauctions.com which outlines several factors to look for when collecting music memorabilia.

I placed my first bid with five minutes remaining in the auction. This bid was too low, and I failed to meet the reserve. Two more bids, and I was home free! The remaining two minutes were very stressful, as I feared someone with much deeper pockets was going to snatch my treasure out from under my nose.

Then...it was mine!

I paid immediately, hoping to expedite the process. Now, the waiting game begins. I don't know where to hang such a priceless work of art. I suppose it could go over the bed, replacing my wedding portrait...or over the fireplace. When I suggested both these options to Eric, the glam rock husband,  he looked horrified.

Eric offered to build a lighted bookcase to show-off my award. I think he was kidding, but I might take him up on the offer.

It's not good to be greedy, glam fans. I hope you understand that when I saw this auction, I nearly passed out. I thank Eric for encouraging me to bid, much to my shock and amazement.

I would be heartbroken if I learned this treasure was sitting in a warehouse collecting dust...or worse, hanging beside a platinum award celebrating the work of My Chemical Romance.

Shudder to think.

Way Cool Jr.

I've got a new band obsession, glam fans. It's JackViper, hailing from the beautiful U.K.

Just like Vains of Jenna, JackViper formed in 2005.

If you're not familiar, allow me to introduce the boys in JackViper. Already, vocalist Jay R, guitarist Eddie Shredder, bassist Davey Kiss and drummer Dan Ferlanger have performed with some major glam acts like Vixen and L.A. Guns. (I think the name Eddie Shredder automatically means you're way cool and way glam, but that's just me).

Unfortunately the boys in JackViper remained unsigned, but that doesn't stop them from releasing new mini-EPs every few months.

If you head to www.jackviper.com you can download or order an EP for free.

MetalHammer magazine gives JackViper many kudos for a unique, sleazy sound. In fact, here's an excerpt of the glowing article:

"What do they sound like? Like Motley Crue riffs pre Girls, Girls, Girls. Like Faster Pussycat's singer Taime Downe [sic]. Like Skid Row's Sebastian Bach with his lascivious and misogynistic potty mouth. Sleazy Trashy hard rock that walks the talk at the speed of Motorhead and the intensity of GnR."

Wow! That's a lot to live up to but from what I've heard, JackViper delivers.

I can't wait for these guys to get some money so they can jump across the pond and tour here in the U.S.

Hopefully hordes of positive press, an energetic street team and relentless club dates will lead to an album deal for JackViper. They deserve it, and the rock world needs a good kick in the pants.

If you'd like to hear a quick sample of the good time rock that is JackViper, visit www.myspace.com/jackviper05.

Ancient Rebirth

Some call them super groups, I call them spinoffs. Just like television series, spinoffs are (sometimes) a great way to breathe new life into an old idea.

Think about the best television spinoffs. Cheers spawned Fraiser. Beavis and Butthead spawned Daria and The Practice is based on original characters in Boston Legal.

Glam bands often rose from the ashes of other groups.

Slaughter is a prime example of the music spinoff. Mark Slaughter and bassist Dana Strum performed together in the Vinnie Vincent Invasion before jumping ship for their own band.

Remember, Vincent was a guitarist for KISS.

Over the weekend, I watched Classic Concert: Damn Yankees on VH1 Classic. The brainchild of Ted Nugent, Damn Yankees were a spinoff band that included members of Styx and Night Ranger. Of course, Tommy Shaw (Styx) and Jack Blades (Night Ranger) just released a new album under the name Shaw/Blades.

Out of the ashes of the once great Guns n' Roses came Slash's Snakepit featuring Matt Sorum, Gilby Clarke, Dizzy Reed, Mike Inez, Eric Dover, Teddy Andreadis, and of course, Slash. 

Another super group spinoff of note is Brides of Destruction, brainchild of my beloved Nikki Sixx. Tracii Guns, Kris Kohls, and London LeGrand rounded out the line-up. Sixx left the Brides in favor of the massively successful Motley Crue reunion tour. After all, it's hard to beat an original.

Fellow Motley Crue alum Tommy Lee is also on tour right now as a member of a super group spinoff. Rock Star Super Nova - a creation of modern reality television - features members of Guns n' Roses, Metallica, and the former unknown singer Lukas Rossi. I don't have much to say about these boys because their debut album is pretty bad and I'm told the tour is even worse.

Do you have a favorite super group spinoff? 

Love in an Elevator

Is Muzak metal? Maybe.

When I was eating dinner last night at Buffalo Wild Wings (it's hard for a vegetarian to eat at a place like that) I couldn't help but notice the ever present, annoying music.

I figure it was canned Muzak because BW3 is a corporate giant.

While eating my Gardenburger I was subjected to "Man in the Box" (Alice in Chains), "Celebrity Skin (Hole), and "Don't Look Back in Anger" (Oasis).

Geesh.

Apparently, it was pop-grunge night at BW3.

So, a little Internet research leads me to www.muzak.com, and I learn there's a package available called "Ink'd." Apparently, this is Power Rock/Metal.

I've never heard GWAR in my dentist's office. Then again, I've never heard Peter Cetera in a tattoo parlor...or a bar for that matter.

More research reveals the "alternative" channel is called Feedback. Of course it is.

Also available, "Varsity" for Pop Hits, Rock Show for Classic Rock, and Half-Pipe for Skate Punk/Hip-Hop.

Does the intersection of Metal and Muzak mean that the world's most perfect music is becoming mainstream once again? Does this prove that the 80s were NOT a fluke and that Metal can once again enjoy mass appeal? I'm not sure, but I wish BW3 would pipe in a little Cinderella every now and then. A person can only handle so much grunge before reaching the vomit stage.

Also, the song obsession of the day is Warrant's "Cherry Pie" in honor of Pi Day. Happy 3/14 everyone...go memorize  Pi and amaze your friends. Eat a slice of cherry pie. Bask in the irony.

Finish What Ya Started

Everyone said the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony would be a train wreck.

Sadly, everyone was right.

When it was finally time to induct Van Halen, the crowd was fidgety and I was growing weary. Van Halen came after the Ronettes and punk hero Patti Smith. As predicted, only Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony showed up for their accolades.

Both men gave short, classy speeches. Hagar lamented his missing band mates, saying he wished they could make it but, "It's out of our control."

Of the Van Halen debacle, AP music correspondent Nekesa Mumbi Moody writes "...the absence of most of Van Halen's founding members was downright sour."

After their short speeches, Velvet Revolver played "Ain't Talkin 'Bout Love" before Sammy and Mike jumped on stage for a seemingly impromptu performance of "Why Can't This Be Love." Of course, Sammy and Mike were backed by the CBS Orchestra which was a little more than painful to say the least.

I still say good for them for jumping on stage and doing the right thing. They tried to smooth over the mess, and I think they honestly wanted to give their fans a little treat.

I have to admit I didn't stay awake long enough to watch the finale "jam" session with all the artists at the end, but I'm told Sammy and Mike didn't participate.

On a high note, the broadcast was completely commercial free, an unheard feat in this day and age. It was also cool to hear Aretha Franklin sing "I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Loved You)" as a special tribute to late Atlantic records founder Ahmet Ertegun.

If you missed last night's roller coaster ride, the entire broadcast will repeat this weekend on VH1.

Wonderful Tonight

Tonight's the night, glam fans...time for the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in New York City.

We'll finally see - up close and personal - the spectacle that has become Van Halen.

It will be interesting to see which band members actually show up, and which ones snub the ceremony. While Eddie Van Halen just entered rehab, I'm not 100% sure he has the cahones to ignore such a "career highlight. " Alex hasn't really given a press statement on his plans for the ceremony. I doubt he's with Eddie drying-out.

When the nominations were announced months ago, it seemed everyone in the music world agreed that Van Halen were a lock to earn induction. After all, Van Halen is a real American rock band, the likes of which we rarely see today.

Tonight's ceremony isn't only about Van Halen. Patti Smith, alternative whiners R.E.M., Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, and the Ronettes will also enjoy the world spotlight.

Naturally, I think the only band on the list deserving of an induction is Van Halen. Grandmaster Flash has no business in the Hall because he's not a rock star. The world has enough rap and hip-hop thank you very much.

So, why is the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame turning against rock artists? Is this a statement on our modern times? A glance forward instead of backward? Does the Hall feel the need to jump on the pop culture - MTV bandwagon disowning bands that made the network a huge success,  in favor of artists created in the studio and who record songs at the Hit Factory?

There's a reason Van Halen garnered the most press when the nominations were announced at the end of 2006. For once, music journalists were excited. It seemed the Hall was redeeming itself. Too bad the shenanigans of Eddie, Alex, David, Sammy, and Michael have ruined this year's induction for me, their other fans, and even casual viewers. Shame on Van Halen. For that matter, shame on the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame.

If you care, VH1 classic will air the induction ceremony live tonight starting at 8:30 EST. If you don't have cable, you can watch via a live Internet stream on www.Spinner.com.

Rock n' Roll Clown

I finally purchased Vh1 Classic Metal Mania Stripped 3. While there are a few low notes, the album is more hit than miss.

Third in the VH1 acoustic series, the album includes the tracks:

Poison- Unskinny Bop
Shaw/Blades - High Enough
Tesla - Signs
Winger - Headed for a Heartbreak
Dokken - In My Dreams
Firehouse - When I Look Into Your Eyes
Ratt - Way Cool Jr.
Jani Lane - Heaven
Autograph - Turn Up the Radio
Tom Keifer - Nobody's Fool
Kix - Don't Close Your Eyes
Eric Martin - Just Take My Heart
Queensryche - The Killing Words
Slaughter - Up All Night
Accept - Balls to the Wall

Perhaps the best performance on the album is the Firehouse track. Originally recorded for their 1996 release Good Acoustics, "When I Look Into Your Eyes" is a solid performance and the quality sounds very close to the original single release.

Kip Winger delivers a home run with his new recording of "Headed for a Heartbreak." I can say the same for Shaw/Blades and their rendition of "High Enough."

It's always a little alarming to hear a metal song turned acoustic for the first time, and sometimes the unplugged versions just don't work. Mark Slaughter sings about half the words on "Up All Night."  That track was taken from a live performance at the Key Club, and it sounds like the crowd was having a good time. I think executive producer Jamie Talbot made a mistake allowing this song on the album. Then again, executive producers often make many mistakes.

On first listen of "Way Cool Jr." I was disappointed. After a few spins, I changed my mind and I actually think the track is pretty good. Taken from MTV Unplugged, it sounds like Stephen Pearcy was in a good mood and willing to work.

Also interesting is Poison's acoustic take on "Unskinny Bop." I do love Poison, but at times guitarist C.C. DeVille is completely off key. I think at one point Bret Michaels sings the wrong words.

The album art and liner notes leave a lot to be desired. Radio and VH1 Classic host Eddie Trunk provides two paragraphs of worthless notes, including the sentence "Yes, my friends in hard rock and metal, it's OK to like this stuff and be proud of it; it's become an entire generation's classic rock."

Gee. I don't even know what to do with a statement so...pointless.

I should probably note that I am a firm believer that metal should be plugged in and LOUD. I don't really care for acoustic performances, but the relentless marketing campaign during Metal Mania sucked me in and I felt I had to own this disc. If you like acoustic performances then you should probably buy the album too. If you prefer your metal more pure, save your 15 bucks for beer.

Sidenote: Kudos to Hairball John for making it into the liner notes. Also, there's a new Bring Back Glam posting over at www.hairballjohnradioshow.com.