The ABCs of Glam

A is for Allyson, who writes Bring Back Glam!

B is for, naturally, Bring Back Glam!

C is for Chinese Democracy

D is for the Dirt

E is for Eyeliner

F is for "Fallen Angel"

G is for Gibson. The weapon of choice

H is for Heineken (as in cold, cold Heineken!)

I is for Indecent. As in, indecent exposure

J is Jackyl

K is for Kix. Duh!

L is for Limousines

*M is for Mall hair. The bigger, the better

N is for Night Ranger

O is for Open Up and Say...Ahh!

P is for Pretty Boy Floyd

Q is for Quaalude 

R is for Royalties (usually conveniently lost)

S is for Sunset Strip or Sweden. It's a toss-up

T is for Tommy Lee

U is for Universal Records

V is for Videos. Lots and lots of big hair videos

W is for Whisky a Go-Go

X is for XYZ

Y is for Y&T

Z is for Zebra

Just a list of some of the words that epitomize Glam. There are so many. What would you pick?

*Don't you like how I didn't choose Motley Crue? Makes you crazy, doesn't it? Bwahahahaa.

Update on Tuesday, October 7, 2008 at 10:44AM by Allyson B. Crawford

Sorry, I did miss Y. I was watching television while writing. I have added Y&T based on the suggestions...

It's Not Even Halloween Yet...

It's not even Halloween yet but stores are already shoving their Christmas merchandise out on the shelves. It comes as no surprise, then, that bands are starting to announce holiday albums.

Canadian rockers Helix just released a Christmas album. It's called, naturally, A Heavy Metal Christmas.

I don't know how many times I can reiterate the point that I absolutely despise Christmas albums. Christmas music in general makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon. It's all heinously manufactured and fake. To this day, the best Christmas song I've ever heard is Danger Danger's "Naughty Naughty Christmas" -- only because the lyrics are risque and I think my mother-in-law would be annoyed if I insisted she play the song during the family dinner.

Back to Helix.

Here's the track listing on the new holiday CD:

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
Santa Claus is Back in Town
A Wonderful Christmas Time
Jingle Bell Rock
Happy Christmas (War is Over)
Sock It To Me Santa
Jingle Bells
Silent Night
Christmas Time Is Here Again (original)*

Is it statistically impossible to release a holiday CD without including the 9,876th version of "Jingle Bells?" Good grief. I'm sure Helix would have done a great job had they decided to add a second original to their holiday release. "Jingle Bells" may very well be the single most overrated song in the history of the world. Gah.

I wonder if our favorite Glam bands watched quietly as Twisted Sister shot back up the charts, thanks to their 2006 Christmas release? Suddenly, Twisted were hot again among the non-diehard Glam crowd. I guess the universality of Christmas music helped bridge  the gap between former fans and soccer moms. Suddenly, popping Twisted Sister into the minivan CD player was cool. At least it help shut up the kids for awhile.

So, we're circling back to Helix again (cut me a break. It's Monday). If you visit Helix's official website, you can buy the new Christmas album. You can also hear song samples. The best track - for my money - is "Happy Christmas (War is Over)." This song best demonstrates Brian Vollmer's vocal range. Over the years, Vollmer has remained the one constant in Helix.  Vollmer and the  rest of Helix will perform at next summer's Rock Gone Wild festival in Iowa. No word yet if they will play "Jingle Bells." If they do, you'll find me hiding in a port-a-let. Gah.

Helix: A Heavy Metal Christmas, retails for $14.99.

In My Life (Ozzy Can Sing - If He Tries)

We all know Ozzy Osbourne sounds like a bumbling idiot most of the time these days. His voice is near incomprehensible - and his backing band is tuned down about as far as musically possible...without going to sludge. So, imagine my surprise when I literally stumbled on a clip of Ozzy and Slash performing together back in 2005.

The performance honored the Beatles - and the video clip blew me away. If Ozzy can sing "In My Life" - and do a great job by the way - why can't he do this all the time? Is he trying to act stupid when he slurs his words? Is he lazy? Maybe Ozzy was just trying a little harder since the song was part of the Royal Variety Performance - attended by Queen Elizabeth II. At any rate, watch for yourself. I await your feedback.

Chip Away...Chip Away at the Stone...(Or, Censorship Sucks)

Buckcherry is apparently playing a G-rated concert tonight in Mobile, Alabama. In fact, the band is apparently contractually-bound to keep their rock antics "Disney" appropriate. The show is part of  BayFest 2008.

I think this is a load of crap.

How can a band - that has gotten famous off songs like "Crazy Bitch" and "...Too Drunk to Fuck" - play a G-rated show? Moreover, how can this same band even agree to such a proposition? Oh yeah. Money.

Money rules all. How silly of me to think a band's creative expression might be important these days. Buckcherry can just go out, stifle their live show, change up the lyrics to their songs and Josh Todd can say "Golly gee, Mobile! How 'ya 'doin tonight?!"

Not Glam, people. Not Glam at all.

To Buckcherry's defense, Josh Todd did sort of say something like the band likes to do the same show every night. Translation: they like to swear and talk about sex. Quite frankly, it's also easier to do the same show over and over. Tours are highly scripted events, despite what any of us want to believe. So, on top of the censorship - the band is going to have to actually think a little more tomorrow night. Oh, the drama.

My thought is this: if you are promoting a festival or concert of any type, you better 1) consider your audience and 2) consider the bands that fit that audience. If the two don't gel - circle back and figure out a lineup that works. There's a reason most music festivals are geared toward adults: shows are rowdy, music is loud, tickets are expensive. Plus, you might hear an F-bomb. Or seven. When lawyers get in the way and start censoring live shows - and don't even get me started on the "clean" versus "explicit" lyrics on CDs - we've got a major problem. Live shows are the last place a musician can truly express their art. Sure, you hear some raunchy stuff on CDs - but when you get a band live - they are in their element. Litigate the hell out of a live show and you start chipping away at our already eroding civil liberties. 

I wish Buckcherry had refused to perform the G-rated show. Of course, I wish I didn't have to do half the crap my employer says is part of my job description. At the end of the day we've all got bills. It just plain sucks.

Thoughts?

Fan Clubs: Bleeding Us Dry?

This topic has been on my mind for awhile now: fan clubs. Nearly every band/artist has one. Most are official. Some are truly run by die-hard music loves like you and me. Most are usually part of an LLC, earning money for the band's bottom line.

I want to know when it became a rule that you have to pay...to be a fan?

Fan club memberships these days are way too expensive. The only time I buy a fan club membership is for better concert tickets. We'll address that injustice in a moment. 

The going rate for most clubs I investigated is around $40.

Seriously. Forty bucks. For what? For nothing really. The chance to talk on an exclusive forum. Maybe a crappy T-shirt. The option to buy better concert tickets.

In 2008, I joined three fan clubs, all in hopes of getting better tickets. I do not like going to shows and watching from the back. So, I figure I'll pony up the cash for my chance at the front row. This is good - in theory.

I belong to the Motley Crue, George Michael and AC/DC fanclubs. Motley Crue and AC/DC promised me a T-shirt. I never saw the Motley one and I'm not holding my breath on AC/DC either. In all three instances, I did garner better seats than I would have without the membership - but come on. Whatever happened to ticket equity?  For Motley, I was close enough to touch the stage. This is an example o fan club ticketing truly working. For AC/DC, I'm not nearly as close. For George Michael I was close, but all the floor seats went to fan club members that upgrade to special VIP packages.

What the hell is up with that? In some cases, those exclusive packages cost $500 a person... and there is no guarantee of meeting the artist! There is no way I would EVER shell out that kind of money for such a package. I just can't do it - plus, it's not fair.

I think fan clubs are a case of "what have you done for me lately." I'm sure membership drops off when a band isn't touring, but that's to be expected. If such pay-for-fandom clubs offered a true value-add for customers - and yes, please believe we are mere customers to these clubs - then maybe more of us would join in off touring years.

I remember joining Aero Force One when I was in high school. I loved Aerosmith so much then - and I really wanted to be a part of that club. For whatever reason, I thought belonging to the club made me a little special. After all, I'd plunked down some very hard earned cash and pledged allegiance to my band. The only problem was - I never got anything in return for that membership. I think I had a card or something. When I was in high school the Internet was not as it is today. There were no forums to speak of - so I can't even imagine all the "perks" I received. I know I had to pay extra for my T-shirt. I didn't use the fan club passcode for tickets, either. I don't get it.

Forty bucks is just too much for the "hope" of a better concert ticket. I think I've had it with such clubs and I'm drawing the line. No more, no more.

What do you think of pay-to-join fanclubs?

The Economy Sucks So I'm Giving Away More Free Music

Ok, so everyday I watch the news and hear how the economy is either a) in crisis or b) just fine. Anyone with any modicum of common sense knows the world economy is on shaky ground right now, but that doesn't mean people can stop living. It just means we have to be a little smarter with our money.

I love music. It's a weakness. I spend lots of money on shows and new CDs. Now, I'm giving away two copies of Megadeth's Anthology: Set The World Afire. The double-disc set was released Tuesday. This is Megadeth's first new CD since releasing the Warchest box set. The two CD set features 35 songs, including past hits like “Peace Sells” and some previously hard-to-find live recordings. All songs are digitally remastered. Anthology: Set The World Afire also features “High Speed Dirt,” previously unreleased in the U.S.

Now, you're probably wondering where the contest comes into play. I've got two copies of Anthology: Set The World Afire to give away. If you want a copy, write me and explain how 80s Megadeth influenced modern Glam bands. Yes kids, many modern Glam bands cite both Metallica and Megadeth as musical influences. Remember: our definition of Glam has evolved over time. I think Black Tide are plenty Glam. Back in the day, they would have been considered "heavy." Email your responses to allyson@bringbackglam.com. Please put Megadeth in the subject line. Send me those responses by 5pm EST on Saturday, October 4, 2008. Good luck.

Click to hear a live version of "Symphony of Destruction."

Magnificently Macabre

The new Alice Cooper video (mini-movie) for "Vengeance is Mine," "In Touch With Your Feminine Side" and "Killed By Love" is perfectly awesome. There's not much else I can say or do other than beg you to watch the clip. The video is ten minutes long - and worth every second. Creepy as hell and so worth the wait.