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It's Not Even Halloween Yet...

Posted on Monday, October 6, 2008 at 12:00AM by Registered CommenterAllyson B. Crawford | Comments4 Comments

It's not even Halloween yet but stores are already shoving their Christmas merchandise out on the shelves. It comes as no surprise, then, that bands are starting to announce holiday albums.

Canadian rockers Helix just released a Christmas album. It's called, naturally, A Heavy Metal Christmas.

I don't know how many times I can reiterate the point that I absolutely despise Christmas albums. Christmas music in general makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon. It's all heinously manufactured and fake. To this day, the best Christmas song I've ever heard is Danger Danger's "Naughty Naughty Christmas" -- only because the lyrics are risque and I think my mother-in-law would be annoyed if I insisted she play the song during the family dinner.

Back to Helix.

Here's the track listing on the new holiday CD:


Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
Santa Claus is Back in Town
A Wonderful Christmas Time
Jingle Bell Rock
Happy Christmas (War is Over)
Sock It To Me Santa
Jingle Bells
Silent Night
Christmas Time Is Here Again (original)*

Is it statistically impossible to release a holiday CD without including the 9,876th version of "Jingle Bells?" Good grief. I'm sure Helix would have done a great job had they decided to add a second original to their holiday release. "Jingle Bells" may very well be the single most overrated song in the history of the world. Gah.

I wonder if our favorite Glam bands watched quietly as Twisted Sister shot back up the charts, thanks to their 2006 Christmas release? Suddenly, Twisted were hot again among the non-diehard Glam crowd. I guess the universality of Christmas music helped bridge  the gap between former fans and soccer moms. Suddenly, popping Twisted Sister into the minivan CD player was cool. At least it help shut up the kids for awhile.

So, we're circling back to Helix again (cut me a break. It's Monday). If you visit Helix's official website, you can buy the new Christmas album. You can also hear song samples. The best track - for my money - is "Happy Christmas (War is Over)." This song best demonstrates Brian Vollmer's vocal range. Over the years, Vollmer has remained the one constant in Helix.  Vollmer and the  rest of Helix will perform at next summer's Rock Gone Wild festival in Iowa. No word yet if they will play "Jingle Bells." If they do, you'll find me hiding in a port-a-let. Gah.

Helix: A Heavy Metal Christmas, retails for $14.99.

Reader Comments (4)

this is a purchase i will not be making.
October 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterred6ixx
In general, I agree with you Allyson. If a band can't put an original spin on it, it's just not pleasant. Twisted Sister's "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" was genius. The "Merry Axemas" CDs of a few years ago were good, and Gary Hoey's Christmas albums are must-haves. But for the most part, I can do without.

There is another Christmas album that I think is brilliant, though. It's from 1994, called "Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas," put out by the Tales From The Crypt guys. Yeah, it's a parody album, but it's truly awesome.
October 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJT
I'm a big Helix fan, but not really a fan of Christmas albums, haha.
October 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenteraXe mAn
What? So you don't want me to post my versions of "The Christmas Song," "Winter Wonderland," "White Christmas," and "Oh Holy Night"????

oh soooo unglam of me....
October 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterValentine

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