It's not even Halloween yet but stores are already shoving their Christmas merchandise out on the shelves. It comes as no surprise, then, that bands are starting to announce holiday albums.
I don't know how many times I can reiterate the point that I absolutely despise Christmas albums. Christmas music in general makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon. It's all heinously manufactured and fake. To this day, the best Christmas song I've ever heard is Danger Danger's "Naughty Naughty Christmas" -- only because the lyrics are risque and I think my mother-in-law would be annoyed if I insisted she play the song during the family dinner.
Back to Helix.
Here's the track listing on the new holiday CD:
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
Santa Claus is Back in Town
A Wonderful Christmas Time
Jingle Bell Rock
Happy Christmas (War is Over)
Sock It To Me Santa
Christmas Time Is Here Again (original)*
Is it statistically impossible to release a holiday CD without including the 9,876th version of "Jingle Bells?" Good grief. I'm sure Helix would have done a great job had they decided to add a second original to their holiday release. "Jingle Bells" may very well be the single most overrated song in the history of the world. Gah.
I wonder if our favorite Glam bands watched quietly as Twisted Sister shot back up the charts, thanks to their 2006 Christmas release? Suddenly, Twisted were hot again among the non-diehard Glam crowd. I guess the universality of Christmas music helped bridge the gap between former fans and soccer moms. Suddenly, popping Twisted Sister into the minivan CD player was cool. At least it help shut up the kids for awhile.
So, we're circling back to Helix again (cut me a break. It's Monday). If you visit Helix's official website, you can buy the new Christmas album. You can also hear song samples. The best track - for my money - is "Happy Christmas (War is Over)." This song best demonstrates Brian Vollmer's vocal range. Over the years, Vollmer has remained the one constant in Helix. Vollmer and the rest of Helix will perform at next summer's Rock Gone Wild festival in Iowa. No word yet if they will play "Jingle Bells." If they do, you'll find me hiding in a port-a-let. Gah.
Helix: A Heavy Metal Christmas, retails for $14.99.