Alice Cooper, Bret Michaels Perform on 'American Idol' Finale
Thursday, May 27, 2010 at 12:01AM
For those who don't watch, last night was the season finale. It came down to Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox and Lee eventually won. Before the winner was crowned, producers created a two-hour spectacle featuring all sorts of performers, including Alice Cooper with Keri Kelli, Orianthi and Bret Michaels.
Here's the awesome Coop performance:
I ended up liking Casey James as the season wore on. He's a great guitarist - in fact - he'd fit in as a lead for just about any metal band that needs him. Anyway, he finished in third place. He started playing "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and I knew Bret Michaels was going to appear...and he did. Bret looked and sounded great. He certainly didn't look sick, frail or tired. I don't know how he does it -- I just hope he paces himself. Check it out:
Reader Comments (13)
She totally cranked out and it was she and the cast of a thousand Catholic School Uniformed Tween Alicedized-Zombies who came running to Cooper's rescue during "School's Out", which I thought was perfect for the show.
And though I didn't see the broadcast, it surely must have been the highlight given it's sheer spectacle and epic power (applying Cecil B. DeMille's "Cast of Thousands" approach virtually never fails, especially now, with the rampant use of CGI crowd cloning).
The producers were smart to drown out Alice as much as I loved the whole thing. Drowning him out was the thing to do considering his voice has been so shot for years.
I actually found watching this clip humorously ironic, considering if he was a contestant, Alice wouldn't have been able to "sing" three syllables without Cowell "gonging" him.
Well, at least it wasn't as bad as when he performed "Hell Is Living Without You" on The 17th Annual American Music Awards in 1990, where he completely lost his voice halfway through the song and had to "foot-tap" his way through the rest of it 'til the end looking like a complete imbecile.
This kid that sang with Michaels (what the hell was he doin' there, anyway? Wasn't he on his death bed a couple of weeks ago gettin' me all teary eyed over my first memory of hearing "Cry Tough"? Now I gotta see him on AI? This guy is frickin' relentless with the publicity thing and the cowboy schtick is killin' me. Looks like the only Poison I'm ever gonna see from here on in is the hemlock I'm gonna want you guys to hand me to put me out of my misery havin' to watch one of my former Glamboy heroes, Bret Michaels, channel frickin' mediocrity case, Tim McGraw! There, do I win the Guiness Book of World Records Contest for largest parenthesised paragraph, or what?!) is frickin' great.
I hope this dude, Jones, winds up in a Glam Band and not some kinda "what genre is it?" generic Dawtry clown troupe (but without the chubby bald guy this time) routine.
But let's face it.
We can talk Glam 'til we are blue balled in the leather, but are his Idol handlers ever gonna put a Glam Metal band together for this guy?
It's gonna be generic, trust me, especially after the Lambert fiasco which singlehandedly and irreversibly destroyed the AI franchise. As great as the kid is, talk about setting back our charge to "Bring Back Glam!" a couple of years, not really by his undoing per se, but the miscalculation of his AI handlers.
It was spot on to go Glam for Lambert but it just looked like the execution was off probably because it isn't Glam put together by real Glam Purists. He oughtta talk to GaGa's manager.
He needz GaGa's peeple. Maybe she'll make him her little Poodle or something, y'know on a leash and everything. Now that would be cool on next years Idol opener or finale, especially if they want a much needed ratings boost.
Have GaGa come out on stage singin' a fully Glam Metalized version of Bowie's "Changes" with Lambert on a leash and have him come up to a microphone on a mikestand adjusted to the height level of a standard poodle, to share in a duet.
Oh, and have Kiss as the back-up band and roll into a Kiss medley with them joined by dueling leads between Thayer (unless they wanna pay off Kiss and Ace to get Ace back in for a one shot), and Orianthi!
We need some Real Frickin' Rock and Roll pumped out of this thing (like that's ever gonna happen) and since we ain't gonna get it from Michaels anytime soon (tho maybe sooner than we think cuz it seems like nothin's gonna keep him from the stage, even if it puts him in a wheelchair) and the stooge that won this thing, Lee DenotWizea*s, ain't gonna with his frickin' milktoast pop schtick.
Our only hope out of this year's edition of The Idol Sanitized Franchise Pop Machine is gonna be this dude Casey James and hopefully you're right, it will be a side slot as Gary and Kenny would have it. The kid'z kute, has a descent guitar sensibility (tho he ain't no Orianthi -- Geez, she smokes -- and in more ways than one, yuk, yuk, sorry, Metal chix -- I know -- I'm a lech) and a half descent voice, even if he did oversing and kinda butcher up "Every Rose", if that's possible, since it's already a hacked up neo country snooze fest to begin with (let's face it the only thing redeeming about that song was two scenes in the video -- (1) The so-so Amazon lookin' chick's semi-thonged a*s in the sack as scantilly clad Bretty is rightfully crawlin' out as if she's coyote ugly -- which I personally happen to think she is -- and (2) her drivin' that crummy Jag XJ-6 convertible down from the Hollywood hills with the top down in the rain).
Actually, I'm even wondering if there weren't actually extra scenes that wound up on the cutting room floor.
Stuff like Michaels wiping the blood from his mouth from just having gnawed off his own arm to escape the chick.
And then maybe another scene maybe one where he gives her the keys to the Jag and sez, "Keep it, hon, n' see ya down The Rainbow" (PA accent in full swing)
And then maybe another where the chick pulls out the Jag from the cantilevered carport, tears streaming down her face, only to realize she's got the top down and can't seem to find the power button for the top to go up. Thus that's why she's driving down the hill with the top down in the rain, only to then discover that if you drive a convertible fast enough in the rain, not a drop of water will land on you or the fine Corinthian leather (Oops, I forgot -- that's Chrysler Imperial, which is even sh*ttier than the Jag during this era), which may have been some consolation to the poor soul who was foolish enuff to rent said crummy Jag to a production company for the filming of a Poison video.
Hmmm... this whole blab-a-thon on my part isn't really very funny is it? I was just trying to jazz up this diatribe from being too much of a borefest on this now disaster of a TV show. Obviously, there's no saving this dispatch just like nothing is gonna save that show.
But maybe we can still save Rock'n'Roll and Glam Metal, while we're at it.
Meanwhile, back at Bret's ranch, kickin' back with a Sierra Nevada (what used to be a Bud) and watchin' Idol on his 72" Samsung 3D LED with the steer horns on top...
I didn't watch the show last night, so I can't tell you what I think of Crystal Bowersox except for the fact that all she would need to do to go Glam Metal is to add an extra "X" on the end of her name.
If she doesn't want it, I'll take it and start a Glam Metal band called, Crystal Bowersoxx!
Now that Roxx!
p.s. Peter, you may be right. But I actually thought it was Jones playin' guitar (one strike against him for any shot at Glametaldom, BTW, is that his parents might have named him after that excruciating Grateful Dead tune of the same name, "Casey Jones", unless he changed it himself, which would be even worse!). You should really check the clip again. It looks and sounds like it's comin' from him, especially the ending, which would be the real test. I'm too lazy to look again and in denial about what a charade Michael's has become, I just wanna skip it. I really think it's him, though, and live. It may be a slight wireless delay issue or YouTube synch prob that's throwin' ya. Or, hey, maybe you are right and that's actually Orianthi really playin' that guitar lead off stage. Somebody get The GBI (The Glam Bureau of Investigation)!